In Which I Surprise Myself

[dr_pretentious]

I'm going to my high school reunion.

While I was scrolling through Facebook's list of people from my graduating class at Rockville High, I was surprised at how many of those people I would actually be glad to see again. High school was an unremittingly miserable experience for me, but actually the number of people who actively worked to make it difficult was very small. Most of my classmates were bystanders who failed to intervene, and a few were stalwart friends.

One good thing about working with teenagers is that I have a very real sense now of what it's fair to expect of a 14 year old's judgment, a 15 year old's, and so forth. Retroactively holding the piranhas and the bystanders to adult standards of civility wouldn't do anybody any good, so I'm just as glad to find I'm loosening my grip on the old grievances. I never thought that would happen.

And when I look back on the moments of real kindness, knowing what I know now about adolescents, I'm all the more impressed by the courage of some of my classmates. There are people I'd like to thank, and I have a two-decades-belated apology or two to give, myself.

Four weeks left to steel myself. If I can do this, I probably should.

Comments

[purpledice.livejournal.com]

Y'know, I'd searched for you on Facebook, but somehow failed to find you. Huh.


One good thing about working with teenagers is that I have a very real sense now of what it's fair to expect of a 14 year old's judgment, a 15 year old's, and so forth. Retroactively holding the piranhas and the bystanders to adult standards of civility wouldn't do anybody any good, so I'm just as glad to find I'm loosening my grip on the old grievances. I never thought that would happen.

It's hard to get people to understand that, just because a 14-year-old's drama seems teeny and stupid to them, it really isn't that way for the 14-year-old. It's all about perspective.

So, are you saying it's possible to forgive those who made your adolescence miserable? If so, can I have it in writing?

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

It's possible to forgive some of them. The former piranhas are probably still piranhas. It's the former deer in the headlights I think I can forgive.

The people I'm still pissed off at are the adults who allowed the piranhas to operate in a culture of impunity. The teachers, principals, and parents communicated to the kids exactly how important civility really was to them. What good does it do to force kids to read The Lord of the Flies and to preach to them about the book, if you then create conditions that force the kids to live The Lord of the Flies? They're the ones who had the capacity and the duty to know better and do better.

[purpledice.livejournal.com]

What always amused and angered me was that all my female haters wanted to be nurses. They were the typical alpha females, preying on the weak, but they wanted to help sick people. Right. I ran into one of them years later, after I had to redo senior year from being sick? We were at a social function, as soon as I left she told everyone I stayed back two years just to be with a boyfriend. Sometimes they just don't change.

Ah yes, the adults...kids have no rights, but we have free speech, so they can't do anything about the teasing and name calling? Argh.

Now that I'm friends with teachers, I know the biggest problem is really the parents. Precious Angel can't be wrong or a bully, right? So leave them alone, or Mommy and Daddy will raise hell for everyone.

Not that I'm bitter or anything. *whistles innocently* Now, off to friend you on Facebook.

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah, and here (http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=584037950) I am on Facebook. Where are you?