Ix-Nay on the Otherfucker-May

[dr_pretentious]

There are words Dan and I have to spell now if we want to talk about them in Gareth's presence, and as the boy recognizes more and more polysyllabic words, we're starting to branch out into pig latin. Some of the words we can't say are words for things he likes, that he'll be disappointed to have to wait for. If we're not sure we're up for giving him a B-A-T-H right away, we have to be careful how we confer. If we don't want him to go chase the C-A-T, or demand to urse-nay, we've got to talk around those, too.

But it's not just a comprehension problem. Gareth has picked up words before that we knew he didn't understand. One of his toys has an electronic voice that names colors, so he started imitating the way it said red! long before he had any idea what red was. Red was the first color he could actually identify, but that was months later.

It's the parrot imitation I worry about when I consider my little swearing problem.

I've lived in New Jersey a long time. Oh, and I had a run-in when I was a kid with a child psychologist who thought I'd be a happier person if I swore when I was angry. It's possible he was right about that, though as an adult I've wondered if he didn't just like hearing little girls talk dirty. No way of knowing, now. In any case, foul language is a hard habit to turn off, and harder for having been acquired early under conditions of adult approval.

I'm used to policing myself when I'm teaching, but most days I spend nine hours at a stretch on baby duty. You try going nine straight hours without uttering a single profanity. It's harder than you'd think.

My sister, who swears less than I do despite being a divorce litigator, discovered when her older daughter was two that little K had not only learned the word motherfucker, but had learned to say it in good Samuel L. Jackson style, muthafucka, and in its correct context in a sentence.

Every time I have a Blagojevich-mouthed moment in Gareth's hearing, I remember the relish with which my niece said that word and the chagrin with which my sister heard it, and I think, Oh, Sarah, this could happen to you.

Comments

[serasempre.livejournal.com]

I had to explain to Aidan's pre-school teacher why he walked around most of the day for a week muttering "fuckity, fuckity, fuckity, fuckity, fuck."

That one was fun.

[violet-moon25.livejournal.com]

Well, I have been trying to improve on this one too. So far the worst I have heard my my 2 year old repeat is "Damn." It could be worse. I thought about retraining myself to say "Rats" instead like we used to in grade school. But no luck so far.

Perfect holiday entry, BTW.

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

It really has been a perfect holiday, in its quirky way. After dinner with more wine than I'm used to (Hooray for night-weaning!), I was trading cute kid stories with my parents, who get to spend a lot of time with my nieces. The moment the words, "Ix-nay on the otherfucker-may!" escaped my lips, I knew it had to be the title of a blog post.

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

Oh, and a grosser alternative to "Rats!" is "Booger!" One day when I took my bicycle out to the park, I stopped for water near a picnic area that was full of kids from some local church group. From the way the kids talked to each other, I can only conclude that their adults had ruled that booger was not a bad word, because the kids used it in every single spot where a profanity could possibly have gone, in every single sentence I heard them say, and none of the adults did more about it than roll their eyes.

I guess even when tweens obey the letter of the law, they have a developmental obligation to try to subvert its spirit.

[onyxtwilight.livejournal.com]

Someone should teach them to say it in a British accent, so it sounds like "bugger!". >:-)

And I've always campaigned that, while children need to learn to control their potty mouths, even if the adults around them can't, they should be given a free pass for using a swear word appropriately and non-gratuitously. Like, if a ten year old smashes their thumb with a hammer, and says "SHIT!" really loud, I don't think adults around them should so much as blink, except to ask if they're bleeding. That is a 100% appropriate use of that word.

[violet-moon25.livejournal.com]

I definitely agree that tweens and young teens do have have a developmental need to assert their individuality in the face of authority. I think this is why we were never exactly forbidden to curse in our family (most of my friends were). We were sort of warned that people would think we were rude and had no manners if we cursed and we would probably end up looking stupid if we used words without knowing the meanings. I probably cursed less than my friends at age 11 or 12. But I also looked up all kinds of filthy slang in the slang dictionary that was in the house. I guess that could be considered a triumph of education. At least the dirty jokes were funnier and made more sense in Jr. High.

I also agree with the occasional appropriate usage of swearing with older kids. I don't like to see younger kids swearing and having no idea they they are doing anything inappropriate. I do vividly recall from my days doing social work a 6 year old with a terrible potty mouth. But I mostly felt bad for the kid because of the chaotic environment he came from.

[jr0124.livejournal.com]

Your child psychologist was off the mark by a bit. In shrink school we were taught that profanity s a shortcut away from feelings. Rather than express the uncomfortable affect, we swear.

I've always thought I have a really foul mouth but my colleagues are always surprised when I let fly with profanity. My running internal monologue is awful, though.

[jasminewind.livejournal.com]

My kids say "-amnit" and things like "bit!" and "fit!" I guess I'm good at subverting the first sound but they pick up on the rest. Fortunately they say it quietly, just like Mommy (when they are around at least), so I haven't had any uncomfortable explaining to do. Yet.

Word wars

[gwisteria.livejournal.com]

when they were little we tried potty words are said in the potty. Not good for long range scheme too many reasons to now be in the potty.

We had to deal with some kids (admittedy i think they are funny too sometimes) new curses "jackass" "fucktard" "mo fo idiot" and my fave "george bush is an asshat" so now we had to define curses as grown up words.
Said only if you are a grown-up ...period.

Then comes the problem that "gerri" curses offer up new obstacles for liberal parents to worry about their children repeating....my nanny and abuela were the ones who cursed around me so in stress I say "saints preserve us" "jesus h. christ" "jesus, mary and joesph (sometimes there are shephards)" "goddamnitt" the spanish words for "Son of a grand bitch"
spanish word for "shit" and my dad's favorite of all time "oh for fuck's sake" since they were longer then other grown up curses and I don't even pause when I say them, it took longer for the kids to truly get it but now it has realllly surfaced with the over 8 but under 12 club.

So right now, for awhile the answer that has had the most luck is you can't use a curse if you don't know what it means and if you do let one slip out have the decency to look sorry.

Unfortunately now "T" has decided in her very opionated way that no one should ever curse and she is the curse police.

Right now, no one is looking sorry and there is a lot of giggling and grumbling.

I wonder what your shrinks would say about me...

[leapfaith.livejournal.com]

Amusingly, I wouldn't have this problem if I had kids, except, of course, it seems I'm quite unlikely to ever have any. My tendency toward "Curses, Foiled Again!" or "What brave new world that has such creatures in't!" or "Dagnabbit!" or "Cats-and-dogs-living-together..." or even (thanks to B5) "Abso-fraggin-lutely!" saves me from serious profanity almost every time.

Motherhood,

[(Anonymous)]

so fraught with things I didn't imagine.
It wasn't until I heard two tiny voices in the back seat of the car singing word-perfect along with "I wanna be your blowjob queen" that I realized I'd have to tailor my musical tastes to child-appropriate items.

Re: Motherhood,

[amushink.livejournal.com]

Sorry, that was me. Forgot to log in.

Re: Motherhood,

[laradionne.livejournal.com]

I confess that I would have willingly paid money not only to hear that, but to have seen the expression on your face when it happened.

I may not have kids at home, but I've found over the years that as my friends have small children I have to work at reverting to my pre-college days of saying things like "darn" and "phooey". The real thing I wonder is how my Marine Corps father managed not to use "barracks language" in front of us while we were growing up...