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dr_pretentiousI remember when people listened to comedy monologues on vinyl, rather than on YouTube. My students probably wouldn't believe it. They giggle when I tell them I own cassette tapes. In my students' world, a vinyl album might as well be a horseless carriage.
Back in the Late Cretaceous Period, my parents owned a Bill Cosby stand-up comedy album that had a long ramble about kindergarten. There's a total mismatch between what he remembers being asked to learn and what he remembers being able to think about: "One and one make two. That's great. What's a two?" Is it really possible I was laughing along to that monologue while I was actually in kindergarten?
Just this week, Gareth has demonstrated that he knows what a two is, and that he has both the word and concept for "other," as in the other of two. Numbers beyond two seem to elude him so far, but that's perfectly peachy. We're really surprised about the two. For a fifteen-month-old, he's got plenty of ability to communicate number sense.
Because Gareth's ahead on language development, I figured he couldn't possibly be behind, or at least not behind enough to worry about, not with anything that mattered. So he never crawled. So what? Some kids don't, right? Some kids go straight to walking. They're all different. I used to say, "I figure he'll learn to crawl sometime before he goes to college." He could walk, he could run, he could stomp more or less in time to music. Surely that should be good enough.
Apparently crawling matters a whole lot, though no one knows why. Apparently 75% of kids with dyslexia never crawled as babies. Is there a causal link? Can getting a non-crawler to crawl prevent him from developing dyslexia? Nobody knows for sure, not yet. Nonetheless, my excellent sister, whose reading disability is like dyslexia only weirder and rarer, declared that Gareth was not allowed to develop a reading disability, because she knew from experience that having a reading disability sucks. Fortunately, my sister also has two close friends who are pediatric physical therapists, so we were able to pick their brains.
The first thing they asked: Are there carpets in the house, or hardwood floors? Because babies hate crawling on hardwood floors. (Who knew?)
The upshot of all the brain-picking: Get that kid into the state early intervention program!
So Dan and I bought a carpet the next day, and within three days Gareth had learned how to get himself into a standing position from a seated one--something he'd been refusing even to try, though he was many months past when kids usually learn to do that. And we called the state hotline.
By the time the assessment team could meet with us, Gareth was good enough at getting up from the floor on his own that we no longer qualified for state services, but the non-crawling thing still dismayed the assessors. They were surprised and initially skeptical about our claim that Gareth could identify and name three colors, though he proved us right before the ladies sat down to write their report. He was far enough ahead in language development that their test could not measure him in it, but far enough behind in gross motor skills to have an 11% developmental delay.
I had no idea a person could be considered developmentally delayed in just one area or just a few areas. All these years, when I heard my friends who had kids with developmental delays discussing their struggles to get their kids help, I thought I knew what they were talking about. Nope. When they told me about the things their kids had trouble doing, I just assumed the kids had the same amount of trouble doing everything else, too. I hope my attempts at sympathy and support made up for my cluelessness. I hope I wasn't a jerk.
Back in the Late Cretaceous Period, my parents owned a Bill Cosby stand-up comedy album that had a long ramble about kindergarten. There's a total mismatch between what he remembers being asked to learn and what he remembers being able to think about: "One and one make two. That's great. What's a two?" Is it really possible I was laughing along to that monologue while I was actually in kindergarten?
Just this week, Gareth has demonstrated that he knows what a two is, and that he has both the word and concept for "other," as in the other of two. Numbers beyond two seem to elude him so far, but that's perfectly peachy. We're really surprised about the two. For a fifteen-month-old, he's got plenty of ability to communicate number sense.
Because Gareth's ahead on language development, I figured he couldn't possibly be behind, or at least not behind enough to worry about, not with anything that mattered. So he never crawled. So what? Some kids don't, right? Some kids go straight to walking. They're all different. I used to say, "I figure he'll learn to crawl sometime before he goes to college." He could walk, he could run, he could stomp more or less in time to music. Surely that should be good enough.
Apparently crawling matters a whole lot, though no one knows why. Apparently 75% of kids with dyslexia never crawled as babies. Is there a causal link? Can getting a non-crawler to crawl prevent him from developing dyslexia? Nobody knows for sure, not yet. Nonetheless, my excellent sister, whose reading disability is like dyslexia only weirder and rarer, declared that Gareth was not allowed to develop a reading disability, because she knew from experience that having a reading disability sucks. Fortunately, my sister also has two close friends who are pediatric physical therapists, so we were able to pick their brains.
The first thing they asked: Are there carpets in the house, or hardwood floors? Because babies hate crawling on hardwood floors. (Who knew?)
The upshot of all the brain-picking: Get that kid into the state early intervention program!
So Dan and I bought a carpet the next day, and within three days Gareth had learned how to get himself into a standing position from a seated one--something he'd been refusing even to try, though he was many months past when kids usually learn to do that. And we called the state hotline.
By the time the assessment team could meet with us, Gareth was good enough at getting up from the floor on his own that we no longer qualified for state services, but the non-crawling thing still dismayed the assessors. They were surprised and initially skeptical about our claim that Gareth could identify and name three colors, though he proved us right before the ladies sat down to write their report. He was far enough ahead in language development that their test could not measure him in it, but far enough behind in gross motor skills to have an 11% developmental delay.
I had no idea a person could be considered developmentally delayed in just one area or just a few areas. All these years, when I heard my friends who had kids with developmental delays discussing their struggles to get their kids help, I thought I knew what they were talking about. Nope. When they told me about the things their kids had trouble doing, I just assumed the kids had the same amount of trouble doing everything else, too. I hope my attempts at sympathy and support made up for my cluelessness. I hope I wasn't a jerk.
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no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 06:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 07:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-09 05:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 07:02 am (UTC)Check out the concept of multiple intelligences, it might help you understand how people develop mastery of one brain function while having trouble with another.
And there is no way you could have been a jerk, your manners are too good. You may have been ill-informed and unaware, but you weren't a jerk about it, I guarantee it.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 07:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-09 05:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 11:26 am (UTC)For F, this means that he finds other ways of getting through to everyone and is excellent at nonverbal communication (someone who is good a picking up nonverbal communication doesn't even notice he doesn't talk a whole lot). EI didn't help. He needed a speech therapist, but they insisted he needed the general help. Being a "social genius" means that even though he's not as verbal as the kids in his class, he seems to be well-liked.
He's improved greatly in the last few months. He tries to talk, now. Still, he has difficulty finishing words and with a number of letters. It's looking more and more like it's just a speech therapy issue, he just needs a lot of it.
Then I feel even better when I hear that about a third of his class is there for speech delays.
Oh, ok. It can't be that a third of high school students have language problems. Whew.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-09 05:42 am (UTC)As someone who was all words and no social clue through most of my early schooling, I can only say F may have the better deal.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 03:38 pm (UTC)Don't worry. When Gareth reaches school age, his teachers will do all sorts of assessments to see where he is, and they will tell you all about it. At that point, you can decide to listen or not, depending on your own observations, your own biases, and if you believe the teachers are acting in the best interests of your child. Our pediatrician told me that unless there is a GROSS maladjustment in the usual skills, most kids will grow into themselves by the time they hit kindergarden. I think it's wise advice---let your child be who he is and keep an eye on him. Don't expect a child to be a small adult---they really aren't. He will develop at his own pace, in his own time, and unless there is really a problem, you won't have to do anything to help him along.
For the record---only one of my kids ever crawled, and that was because she had to wear tarso shoes to correct a hip defect, and walking was harder to master while wearing shoes with 1/4 inch plywood on the soles. And not one of my kids has/had learning disabilities.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-09 05:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-09 12:18 pm (UTC)Ignore it all. Really. Listen to your own heart, and do what you see as best for your child. When you start looking at all the "studies", you surrender your child and yourself to them. Gareth will become the property of the world soon enough. Treasure this time with him--when he is all yours.
If you have a good pediatrician whom you trust to tell you the truth and not sugar-coat things, then you have your best ally. The two of you can then determine if there is a problem that needs intervention. You know your son better than any study expert ever will. In his case, YOU are the expert. Relax, and let the study people do their thing. Your choice can be to ignore them for the living little person in front of you, every single day, rather than the paper "study babies". I think that things will be just fine. Trust your instincts, and trust your pediatrician. Everything else will fall into place.
Sending "granny" hugs!
no subject
Date: 2009-02-12 05:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 03:48 pm (UTC)*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2009-02-09 05:46 am (UTC)It was great to get to know him a little more at Philcon. You already know this, but you have a really awesome kid.
Please don't 'Overworry"
Date: 2009-02-07 04:26 pm (UTC)Had another thought...
Date: 2009-02-07 05:15 pm (UTC)Oh also, what
Re: Had another thought...
Date: 2009-02-07 07:07 pm (UTC)Re: Had another thought...
Date: 2009-02-07 11:13 pm (UTC)Re: Had another thought...
Date: 2009-02-09 05:52 am (UTC)Pru has been telling me for years that I have some of the weird non-reading-related symptoms of dyslexia, but since they're all minor and don't interfere with my life, I keep forgetting what they are. Apparently my handwriting is classic dyslexic-person handwriting.
The bit about reflex inhibition is especially intriguing. My Bubinsky reflex didn't go away until I was in my mid-teens, and that's a reflex that usually disappears in infancy. Made a lot of neurologists scratch their heads...and scratch the soles of my feet, too, to see which way my big toe would curl. Sometimes it went backwards. Nobody ever figured out why.
When my sister and several of our cousins who were never great readers used to do jigsaw puzzles together, they'd find it was easier to do them picture-side-down. They found the images more distracting than helpful. The rest of us would boggle to watch them. A civilization made up entirely of dyslexic-brained people would be a rich, deep, functional, and fascinating civilization, but it would look really different from the one we live in.
well I've been trying not to go in to this
Date: 2009-02-07 07:05 pm (UTC)I have given the test to about 4 different kids. I found that people always developed some areas faster than others. Something "chooses" what areas to work on first. Maybe, it occurs to me, it's influenced by environmental demand. If you had a hunter-gatherer lifestyle, the child might work on his gross motor first in order to learn what you were doing.
If you want to, remind me to bring the peds text and you can see the Denver chart. Do keep in mind the point that these are statistics and Gareth is an individual, and these scores are not supposed to tell you that you are a bad parent or that he is a defective child.
Re: well I've been trying not to go in to this
Date: 2009-02-09 06:27 am (UTC)The assessment team people were actually very friendly, and they gave us pages and pages of notes and suggestions, which are helping. It's just that I'd been hoping they would say everything was peachy.
Environmental demand sounds plausible to me.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 08:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-09 06:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-09 03:54 pm (UTC)Glad Gareth's gotten the crawling down, in any case.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-08 04:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-08 06:04 am (UTC)Your hardwood floors are pretty hard so I can see the down side of crawling on them (I wouldn't want to either). If it helps you can order baby knee pads from a catalog.
A. is also learning the concept of numbers and can recognize numbers up to 3. Grandma asked him today "What comes after 3?" and we decided in our house it is usually a Time Out! (It has been chaos around here lately.)
It is hard to picture you being a jerk but everyone puts their foot in their mouth occasionally. I wouldn't worry too much about that either.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-09 07:04 am (UTC)I read a little bit about speech impediments when my brother-in-law got worried about my eldest niece's missing phonemes. Back in the day, I used to have a speech impediment, so I was wondering whether K might have the same one I had. It turns out several of English's common phonemes are almost impossible for a normal, healthy child to produce consistently until age 8. The book convinced me that K, who's only 3, was doing just fine. She just had a case of being 3. I, on the other hand, had a big problem distinguishing L and R until I was nearly 10. The book was called something like Teach Me How to Say It Right. Found it at the library--a slim, quick read, written for parents and laypeople.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-10 02:56 am (UTC)I am not going to stress over poor pronounciation just yet. If he were school age I might start to worry. Since he isn't even 3 until next week I can worry about something else for a while--like increasing breast milk supply for the new baby.
I learned to tell left from right by a mark on my right hand (it has faded now). Years later in college someone told me they learned by the the left hand making an L when you extend the thumb and index finger. Of course that only helps a kid who is old enough to know their letters.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-10 04:30 am (UTC)my experience: don't panic
Date: 2009-02-10 03:58 pm (UTC)Owen is at a daycare center that has wonderful caregivers who are nearly all higher educated in child development. Because they're so good at encouraging the wee ones, this has led to some surprises for us when some other kid knows the alphabet 9 months before Owen. We keep feeling like he's in catch-up mode.
Then one day we're reading _Curious George Goes To The Movies_ and he says "George likes popcorn. Owie likes popcorn, too." I nearly fell out of my chair. Complex sentences, comparison, abstraction of identity, zow!
Seriously, I'm actually going grey from all the worrying I do about him. While I know we're only 9 months ahead of you, but seriously, it's an action-packed 9 months. 6 months ago we were freaking out because O was biting because he was moved into an older room too soon, and now it all looks so minor. (The grey has not ceased, though. Dammit.)
Don't panic. It all happens. Remember: it's easy to predict group behaviors with statistics and impossible to predict the individual. Honest.
PS love reading about your Gareth stuff.
Warmest, G
Re: my experience: don't panic
Date: 2009-02-11 06:58 am (UTC)Complex sentences, comparison, abstraction of identity, zow!
Zow, indeed!
Looks like we'll be in Boston sometime this May or July (we're trying to fit it in around a very crowded June). We've gotta get these little guys together.