Pediatric Obamamania

[dr_pretentious]

It was early February, just after the Black History Month book displays went up at our local Barnes & Noble, the first time Gareth shouted, "'Bama!" Since he was actually looking at a picture of the President, I was pleased and impressed. The next week, I bought a physical copy of the Sunday New York Times (usually, when I have time for newspaper articles, I read them online), and there was the President's smiling face on the front page. "'Bama!" said Gareth, and he flipped through all the pages of the paper looking for more pictures of his guy. Now, every time he sees a newspaper, he demands to see you-know-who.

I first realized that Gareth had a new category-formation error when we passed a big-screen tv in a hotel lobby, and he took one look at the college basketball players in the close-up and yelled "'Bama!" Well, okay, I thought, the President plays basketball. "No, sweetie," I said, "those guys look a little bit like Obama, but they're not Obama." There was no persuading him.

When we got home from that trip, I bought a couple of picture books--children's biographies of Obama and Martin Luther King, Jr.--in the hope that I could persuade my son that there was more than one African-American person in the world. "See?" I said, "President Obama has big ears, and Dr. King has a moustache." But narrating my way through those picture books only complicated matters, because there's that final illustration of the First Family. If Gareth understands that seagulls, ducks, geese, and sparrows are all birds because we have called them seagull birds, duck birds, etc., what should I have expected him to conclude from my naming Michelle, Malia, and Sasha to him by first and last name?

So now, any time we cross paths with an African-American person, regardless of age, gender, height, ears, moustaches, you name it, Gareth greets that person with a gleeful shout. He's figured out now how to put an O on the front of Obama, which is an improvement of a sort. So far, everyone so greeted has been charmed, but I'm wondering whether I should be pleased or embarrassed.

In all the childrearing manuals I read when Gareth was a newborn, the experts said that children were aware of race by age four. Looks like someone out there in Developmental Psychology Land needs to design a new study. My kid's an early talker, but I would bet money that he's not the only confused pediatric Obamamania case under the age of two.

Comments

[thunderpigeon.livejournal.com]

Ouch.

I don't suppose it's any consolation to know that most African Americans I've talked to on the topic are a lot more used to this sort of thing than non-African Americans tend to realize. And sometimes from considerably older kids than Gareth. My father once told me a story about pointing to 2 men on the bus on the way home from The Jazz Singer and saying to his mother, "Look, there's two Al Jolsons!"

Andrew has been excited about transitioning from high fives to knuckle bumps, and I've told him it's because of the new administration, but I haven't heard anything from him about politics or race. Actually, this morning instead of a knuckle bump, he grabbed my hand and wiggled his fingers all over my offered fist. I opened my hand and wiggled back, and called it a squid five.

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

The squid five charms me utterly. I wonder what he'll do if I greet him with one at the play date tomorrow.

[thunderpigeon.livejournal.com]

Did you? Andrew didn't mention it, and Rachel didn't see it.

Actually, he seems to have moved beyond the squid five and is making up new variations as it suits him. This morning he asked for a "pterodactyl five." Not sure what that would be, I spread my arms, squawked, and swooped down to slap his had with my arms still extended.

[slackerstalker.livejournal.com]

I don't think embarrassment is called for. Mirth, yes. I am picturing all of your African-American friends getting together at your house and standing up one by one in front of Gareth in a Spartacus-style roll call...

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

I've never actually seen Spartacus, so the scene that's running in my head is the one from Monty Python's Life of Brian.

I'm Brian, and so's my wife!

[jasminewind.livejournal.com]

I've read that statistic about kids not having race awareness and I think it is hooey. Kids younger than four can tell the shading of the skin of the people in their world and they can and do compare and contrast people they see with people in their lives. You kid is showing the bunk in that argument rather clearly.

Maybe it is the specific categorization that kids develop a capacity for around age four? This color skin means "white", this color means "african american" etc etc.

Personally, I tried to be matter of fact with my kids when they drew such comparisons, "Yes, that child looks like Maya, because her skin is the same color as Maya's. And that child looks like me because she has the same skin & hair color that I have." Eventually they came to understand that there were lots of different people with lots of different complextions. Having pale splotchy skin and curly brown hair like me doesn't mean that someone IS me, and having tight curly brown hair and cafe au lait skin doesn't make another person Maya. Part and parcel of the I-must-categorize experience of young children, I think.

It probably would be easier if my kids had more exposure to people who don't look like them. Moving to Portland didn't really help that out!

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

My three-year-old niece went through a brief period of trying to figure out whether there were any significant differences between the black baby dolls and the white baby dolls at her daycare provider's house.

The drive to categorize doesn't always go away. When I had my dissertation defense party, a friend who's a librarian sorted all the candies from the Ezra Pound pinata without even noticing he was doing it. (And no, I didn't write my dissertation on Pound. He was just the most gratifying dead poet to beat with a stick.) All the librarians I know have that little touch of compulsion about sorting.

[thunderpigeon.livejournal.com]

Damn, I would've liked to have the chance to pound Pound.

[annathepiper]

My friend kathrynt says to tell you that she and her husband went through a similar phase with their little girl, and they figured out that it was because they were so proud of the first black President that they pointed him out to Lillian and said his name every time they saw his picture. :)

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

Good point. It's probably relevant that I subjected Gareth to about ten hours of inaugural coverage, which was more than the total amount of television he'd been exposed to in his whole life up to then.

[annathepiper]

Ha, there you go then!

[thunderpigeon.livejournal.com]

The husband of a coworker mentioned yesterday that a friend of his had also described the same thing with their child.

[thunderpigeon.livejournal.com]

It occurs to me that you could show him pictures of other families (that's Martin Luther King, that's Coretta Scott King...) and eventually, if you're willing to risk confusing him, try it with two families or people with the same name but different complexions (That's George Washington, that's Martha Washington, that's Booker T. Washington...)

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

That sounds both promising and confusing.

Gareth does seem to be almost over his bus category error, in which all wheels or things with wheels were buses. I would be perfectly content to wait out the Obama category problem, if it weren't people he was miscategorizing, and if most of the people in question hadn't had painful experiences with racism.

Oh, well. He's going to go on being confused about categories for years yet, if not the rest of his life, and race will probably still be vexing our nation for a few more generations.

[criada.livejournal.com]

>>if it weren't people he was miscategorizing, and if most of the people in question hadn't had painful experiences with racism.

Hopefully, they'll see a white kid who's excited having a black president, and be happy.

[sligoe.livejournal.com]

He's discovering the big, wide world. It's a good thing, and it will happen many more times, with many other things, before he really grasps the concenpt of differentiation.

My eldest daughter, at 2 1/2, was shopping with me and noticed that the mannequins were different colors. She was intrigued, and asked me if they had tongues, because they looked so much like people. I told her that they were dolls, just like what she had at home. She seemed to accept that answer until she met a real, live African-American lady, whom she promptly asked, "Do you have a tongue?" This lovely woman stooped down to her level, stuck out her tongue and said, "Yes I do, and it's the same color as your tongue!", and then she laughed and laughed until the tears ran.

Kids can tell the difference very early, there's no question. It's learning to discern that not everyone with brown skin is the same, just as everyone with white or yellow skin is not the same. It's all a part of dealing with their world, on their terms.

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

"Do you have a tongue?"

That's one of the funnier kid stories I've ever heard.

[sligoe.livejournal.com]

Oh, with four kids all over the age of 21, as well as three grandchildren, I've got a million stories!

Hugs, Mom!

[vgnwtch.livejournal.com]

Brilliant story :D

Little kids say all sorts of weird and wonderful things, and most adults are pretty clear that it's not a personal insult, just kids trying to work the world out. The Sticking Out Her Tongue Lady sounds like she's in the Very Kid-Friendly category of adult.

I have a female friend who is often asked by small children if she's a man or a woman. She is in no way offended, because she has a very clear understanding that her way of Doing Female isn't related to the way children are told people Do Female. She gleefully takes the opportunity to let them know that boys and girls can look all sorts of different ways, and her way is just one of them.

One of T's colleagues has a white father and Indian mother. She asks why Daddy is "the wrong colour".

[sligoe.livejournal.com]

I learned so much from my kids---it's like I didn't know ANYTHING until I had them. I encouraged questions, and I never held them back from asking another person a question. I let their own innate curiosity be their guide, and I learned not only how to deal with my children, but I learned a lot about just how people are, and it has been the most fun I've ever had in my life.

Embarassing at times, but fun! Especially now, as I reminisce with them and tell them the stories of their childhood. I didn't read too many child studies or expert's books---I becam the expert on my kids simply by being with them in every minute I was with them. I still know them like the back of my hand, although they are grown and married with their own children. Before I got married, I didn'twant kids---I was the oldest of five, and the oldest of all the grandchildren, so I got to babysit cousins a LOT. I hated the thought of being tied down to more kids---until my first came along and I found how how delightful it was to have a world populated by a brand-new person, who saw things in new and interesting ways. I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Wow.

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

Hey honey, I have a tenner for you. Can I send it to Dan's Paypal account? Can Dan confirm his Paypal address?

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

Just asked him. He should email you shortly. Or you could just wait until Ostara, if I understand correctly that you'll be able to come to that.

[violet-moon25.livejournal.com]

My 3 year old hasn't made any racially related comments yet but he is trying to figure out the whole sex/gender concept. He has observed that his baby sister had a different set of genitals than his and has been asking which set various relatives and friends have. It's potentially embarrassing in public but kind of funny in private.

I do recall being aware the 3 or so African American kids in my first grade class looked a little different but I don't recall being aware that it made any difference beyond that (I was about 5 and a half). I do recall my mom telling a story from when she was in India in the Peace Corps. She had a girl about 12 or 13 helping in her house and when my mom cut her finger the girl was surprised and said she though my mom would bleed pink because her skin was so light. I am not sure what those stories mean in the context of racial awareness and understanding. However, a professor from my grad school program (who literally wrote the book on multicultural counseling) theorized that people go through several stages of awareness of race and racism but note everyone goes thorough them at the same rate or continues to progress through all of them.

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

That is pretty funny. When we went down to Maryland to meet our new nephew, her big sister greeted Dan by saying, "James has an enis-pay. Does Gareth have an enis-pay?" So much for pig Latin. Actual explanations had to ensue.