No, Seriously, A Rabid Skunk (We're Pretty Sure)

[dr_pretentious]

Last Garbage Day, not wanting to scare me in front of our toddler, Dan piled so many euphemisms into his warning about the rabid skunk that I thought he was telling me a funny anecdote, and as soon as he'd washed his hands and gone back on baby duty, I promptly went back to sleep.

Imagine my surprise when, hours later, I took Gareth out to see the garbage truck go by, and one of the neighbors ran down the street in a panic to warn me to get that baby inside right now and stay there until the Animal Control people arrived. Didn't I know the rabid skunk had last been seen in my yard, crawling under the bush right next to me?

The problem with Animal Control is that they don't actually want to find rabid animals. Well, would you? When they finally arrived, they drove one slow pass down our block, and when the rabid skunk wasn't in the open right where it had been reported to them three hours earlier, they drove off as if they were fleeing the scene of a crime. If they'd gotten out of their van, knocked on doors, and asked any of us, there was some risk we'd have told them where the skunk was, and then they'd have had to do something about it.

So I called the town to say the skunk was now under my porch, and we really needed Animal Control to come back and get it. "I've got a restless toddler who's begging to go outside," I said. "Explaining rabies to an 18-month-old is really hard. I don't know what I'll do if we're stuck in the house all day."

Here's the part that really blows my mind: On a 70 degree cloudy day with occasional moments of light drizzle, the town dispatcher's response to Animal Control's negligence was to say, "Well, I hope you're not letting a toddler outside to play on a day like today!"

My son is not made of spun sugar; light drizzle will not melt him. Keeping him locked up in the house all day would require television sooner or later. I'm pretty sure that wanting Animal Control to collect the rabid skunk from under my front porch does not make me a negligent parent.

Days later, what's still getting under my skin? Is it the fact that the rabid skunk had moved on by the time Animal Control got back, and it's never been found yet?

No, it's that some stranger on the phone impugned my motherly devotion.

How weird is that?

Comments

[purpledice.livejournal.com]

The rabid skunk situation is (hopefully) temporary. The insult will last for much longer. Good luck dealing with...well, both, really.

Also, sorry I wasn't able to visit you this past week. Hopefully it will be remedied when you're in Connecticut! :)

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

On the weirdest of all possible bright sides, if the skunk was in fact rabid, it's certainly succumbed by now. Once the partial paralysis kicks in, the disease runs its course within seven days.

Of course, I said this to my mother, by way of reassurance, and she pointed out that, "There's no way of knowing what it infected on its way out."

Skunks willing, we'll see you all in July.

[temporus.livejournal.com]

I'm curious how folks knew that the skunk was rabid? Also, I'd be kind of angry with the Animal Control. Rabies is quite a serious issue, and my understanding is that all cases, animal as well as human, are supposed to be tracked and reported to the CDC.

[kistha.livejournal.com]

Ditto...

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

The skunk was stumbling with what appeared to be partial paralysis, which could be either rabies or distemper.

As I learned when the Animal Control guy finally got out of his van to take my questions, (a) the two diseases are hard to tell apart without an autopsy, and (b) New Jersey is officially considered to be "saturated" with rabies, so that only human cases have to be reported to the CDC, and the state only tests suspected animals if there's been a confirmed bite of a human or domestic animal.

You can imagine how heartened I was to hear the word "saturated" in that context.

[oldsma.livejournal.com]

I once had a rabid raccoon in the back yard, collapsed in the space between the shed and the chain link fence that divided our yard from the public park. We called animal control several times and couldn't get any help. We had to keep heading kids off from putting fingers through to pet the cute animal and finally had to call the regional park police to get any action.

MAO

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

Okay, here's my silly question: Did you actually live near a regional park at the time? What did you say to persuade them to come?

[oldsma.livejournal.com]

In that part of Maryland, all the parks are under the Maryland National Capitol Park and Planning Commission, even the pocket park in our neighborhood. I first called the town cops, but when they heard me say "park" (as in right next to), they got onto "call the MNCPCC police" and stopped paying attention. So I called the MNCPCC number and let them think that it was in the park. Shock, by the they responded the raccoon had stumbled across the magic line into our yard. (And their question is "why didn't you just call the town police? They are only a few blocks away.")


MAO

[jamesenge.livejournal.com]

"Your took your child out of the Clean Room before he was 14? Someone call Family Services!"

I guess the moral of the story is that not all rabid skunks hide under bushes.

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

I guess the moral of the story is that not all rabid skunks hide under bushes.

There's something I can keep in mind next time a Nosy Stranger wants to tell me What's Best. Thanks!

[jasminewind.livejournal.com]

I'm impressed that this is the first time you've gotten random criticism of your parenting.

Wait. That came out wrong.

It's not that I think your parenting is worthy of criticism! No, but because so many people are willing to stick their noses into other people's parenting.

Just remember what you said - staying inside would require TV. For most people - including the dispatcher I'll warrant - TV is not a thing to be avoided in parenting - it is a vital parenting survival tool. You are parenting in a way that s/he cannot understand and how do people react to things they don't understand?

[vgnwtch.livejournal.com]

When I explained to someone from the cable company that we weren't paying our bill because we didn't actually have the TV hooked up and had told them this every month for 6 months, the response was, "You don't have TV? But... what do you do?" And she was serious.

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

I'm impressed that this is the first time you've gotten random criticism of your parenting.

Actually, that was almost exactly how the thought crossed my mind at the time. I've received bits of unwelcome advice from relatives, mostly from in-laws, but no more than any other parent does, and mostly it's been easy to deal with. I'd just been reading Ayelet Waldman's book of essays, Bad Mother, which Dan gave me for Mother's Day (weirdly, it was exactly what I'd been secretly hoping he'd give me), so it was especially fresh in my mind that I'd been lucky so far. All the Nosy Strangers I'd crossed paths with up till that point had been friendly ones, or at least inoffensive.

How did I get that lovely 18 month reprieve in the first place?

I'd concede that TV is a vital parenting survival tool, but it's a last resort, and I didn't feel like starting my day at 9am already on my last line of defense.

[thecrimsony.livejournal.com]

A few weeks ago, a coworker, whom I've always liked, made a parenting comment to my wife in response to an email I sent and it STILL bugs us.

The email was sent to specific coworkers whom I felt were on good terms with me and supportive of our recent adoption. The Boys and Girls club was having a fundraiser selling candy and I brought it to work. (Call centers are wonderful places to sell candy if the bosses are okay with it) Anyway, in the email, I refered to the kids as "our monsters...er kids!" because it's a family joke that they're Monster 1 and Monster 2. They love the joke and usually respond by growling.

Our coworker, who's first son is about the same age as yours, felt it was her duty to caution my wife about calling them monsters. My wife's response was effectively "It's a family joke. If you spent some time with them, you'd get it."

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

Your coworker's response is kind of odd. I tried to count all the parents I know who affectionately refer to their kids as monsters, and after a dozen, abandoned the tally. Your family may have some unconventional aspects, but your kids' secret identities as monsters are totally normal.

[theunveiling.livejournal.com]

"My son is not made of spun sugar; light drizzle will not melt him."

That totally made me LOL.

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

Your cheery cupcake icon is so very apropos.

I miss the f-bomb. I wouldn't have used it on the phone with the dispatcher, even before parenthood, but at least I would have been free to use it in the privacy of my living room after hanging up.

[vgnwtch.livejournal.com]

Animal Control need to get their act together, pronto. That's just totally unacceptable.

And the dispatcher? I'd be peeved, too. In fact, I actually am seriously narked on your behalf. It really pushed my buttons on various levels.

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

I gave the poor Animal Control guy...not so much an interrogation, as an oral examination. On penalty of overwhelming guilt trip, I was not letting him out of my yard until he'd told me everything he'd ever learned about rabies in his professional training. I guess grad school was good for something after all.

[reynaud.livejournal.com]

And we wonder why people get irked by government workers?

Yeah, I wouldn't want to deal with a rabid skunk myself. But then, that's why I'm NOT an animal control officer. I also don't want to deal with snarky patrons or kids who disrupt other library patrons, but that's part of my job.

As for the dispatcher: I think Jamesenge hit it right on. Why in pete's name does everyone think that the best way to parent to make sure that kids and germs don't come within 10 miles of each other? They play in the dirt and mud, get yelled at for making a mess, and learn to deal with unpleasantness. I did it, and there's nothing wrong with me!!

[thinks about it for a moment]

Alright, maybe not the best example, but...

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

It was as if the guy in the van had thought to himself, A rabid skunk? They oughtta call Animal Control. Oh, crap! I am animal control!

I've heard a lot of true tales of childhood misery, but not once have I heard anyone complain that they were allowed to play in the dirt too much, or that they got drizzled on too often.