Zero Students, Many Visitors

[dr_pretentious]

Tonight was the last teaching night of my two decades in New Jersey. I am now a person with zero students, unless you count my children. I would not presume to say that I know what a phantom limb feels like to an amputee, but that's the analogy that keeps forcing itself to the forefront of my mind.

Prospective buyers tromp through my house. I want them to do that, yes I do. They tour when I'm home, they tour when I'm out. I've just learned about a realtors' custom I'd never heard of: the office caravan. A group of about twenty real estate agents drive around together, to look at one another's listings in case they have buyers who'd be interested. My own agent really did think she had told me what was coming, but this is the first time I've sold a house, so I was a bit gobsmacked when twenty realtors filed in, swarmed cheerfully through all the rooms, and filed out again in the space of about ten minutes. It felt like a Monty Python sketch waiting to be written, but I seem either to have the wrong muse for the job, or a muse whose refusal to be rushed is so adamant that I probably won't even recognize this scene when eventually it appears in my fiction.

My sons watched about four hours of television today. And about that much the day before. I have become a terrible parent. I might also be becoming a terrible person. When telemarketers interrupt my packing, they get all the frustration vented at them that I'm trying to spare everyone else. Nobody, not even telemarketers, deserves to be spoken to the way I've talked to telemarketers this week.

Despite all the stresses of moving, and all the brain-numbing power of our television diet, my children continue to be glorious. During the latest downpour of our new local monsoon season, Gareth asked, "Is it also raining on Mars right now?" He thought not, but he urgently wanted to make sure. We brought Conrad and his tiny hand drum to the fire circle at midsummer festival for the first time, and he followed the senior drummers better than some of the newest grown-up drummers. The kids' biggest disappointment about this first week since Gareth's school year ended is that we haven't had time to do as much homeschooling as they want.

For all the disruption of the tradespeople, brokers, and prospective buyers, we would welcome more visits from friends. It's been a good twenty years, full of wonderful people we will not be able to smuggle out in our luggage.

Comments

[jasminewind.livejournal.com]

I can't confirm or deny your terribleness as a person when berating telemarketers, but letting your kids, occiasionally, watch 4 hours of TV so you can prepare your household for a move does not even begin to make you a terrible parent. Seriously. This is one of the wonderful superpowers of television, but it *only* works if you don't watch TV regularly. This is judicious use of a tool at your disposal. It is a moment in time and that is all. Moving is hard, give yourself a break!

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure how I'm going to wean them back off the television once the move is accomplished.

Oh, hey, I found the Healing Cup while I was packing glasses, and held off on packing it. I'm trying to Return All Borrowed Things before the Big Move. Could you email me a current postal address for you? I assume you're still the correct person to send it to.

[jasminewind.livejournal.com]

Sent! Thanks!

When we were getting ready for the move out here, we actually bought dinner trays at Ikea so the kids could sit and snack or eat a meal in front of the TV. They were barely 4 and 6 and I felt SO (needlessly) guilty about the amount of TV they were watching. After the move it was a little hard to get us all off the TV habit but that was exacerbated by social isolation, lousy weather and me with an undiagnosed sinus infection that meant I was getting very sick every 2-3 weeks for a couple of months. I imagine with family in the area and the decent weather and exploring that you'll have to do it will be an easier transition.

However, in the ebb and flow that is parenting, I find that we often ramp up and down on the TV/screen time in our lives. It makes for a rocky couple of days when we wean back off but I am unabashed in my denial of TV time and have tried to teach the kids about making uncomfortable adjustments. They are now used to hearing me tell them that the unsettled and bored feeling they are having is a withdrawal symptom and that the only way to get over it is to "get over it" and find something non-screeny to do.

The truth is that while lots of TV is not ideal, it doesn't give your kids tumors and won't make them instantly diabetic or anything like that. Balance it out with all the great things they have going for them and this little crutch to make it through a HUGE family transition is not a bad thing at all.

[onyxtwilight.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure how I'm going to wean them back off the television once the move is accomplished.

Easy. Don't hook the TV up for a couple weeks, until they're back in the groove of all the other stuff they usually do. If necessary, "lose" some critical part.

Of course, that will only work if you don't need the telenanny function on the other end of the move as well, which I admit might be stretching possibility a wee bit. :-)

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

Actually, we are leaving our old cathode-ray television behind altogether, on the theory that it will cost enough to move the heavy old beast that we might as well make this the occasion to upgrade. I imagine that the unpacking phase will provide us a day when the children's acting up will drive me shrieking to Best Buy for a flat screen.

[onyxtwilight.livejournal.com]

Use a laptop as a stopgap measure for a few days. Then it can be removed if necessary because "mommy needs to work," or "the computer needs to rest," or whatever.

Not-so-much-TV has been their norm for so long, they'll likely reattune to it pretty quickly.

[rachel e. young (from livejournal.com)]

4 hours of tv may not be ideal but it may still compare favorably to 2 hours of tv plus 2 hours of insane-screaming-stressed-out-Mommy. These things are relative. It barely registers on my terrible parent radar (which is admittedly quite skewed by my past social work experience). We will try and see you a few more times before you go. In spite of the packing/cleaning, prospective home buyers and generally elevated stress level the kids had fun.

[kistha.livejournal.com]

I wish you much patience and the move to move at exactly your perfect pace. You are not a terrible mother period. You are pretty damn fantastic all the way around.

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

Thank you. All good wishes are very much welcome.

[csecooney.livejournal.com]

"Is it raining on Mars? "

I think, never having met him, I just learned to love your kid a little.

Best luck in the upcoming weeks. I am curious to know what happens next. Are you moving far away? Will you teach wherever you are going? I have been out of the loop! I should go back through your latest journal entries. :)

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

He's so cool. You should come down to Capclave in October for a whole passel of reasons, one of which is that I'll be there with my (usually) charming offspring.

We're moving to Maryland, about four hours away from our current abode. Dan and I both grew up in that area, and our families are still there, so the kids are moving toward the grandfolk, the aunts, the uncle, the cousins--that helps a lot. I'll teach there, probably still as a private tutor, though there's an intriguing non-profit that hires Real Live Writers to teach creative writing to teens, and a couple of the houses I'm looking at are walking distance from the local community college, so there are other possibilities.

[jasminewind.livejournal.com]

I know people in education in DC. Let me know if you want me to connect you.

[showingup.livejournal.com]

All of what everyone has already said, and more.

My sister has phoned me after a migraine, berating herself for letting the kids watch too much telly. "They watched THREE DISNEY FILMS!!!" Yes, but Mummy was barely capable of moving, never mind anything else. When it's once in a while, it's OK. Like cake.

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

If I had to listen into three Disney films in a row, even from the next room, in the dark, I think that might give me a migraine.

Mmm, cake.

[showingup.livejournal.com]

It is a pretty daunting idea.

[rednikki.livejournal.com]

I hadn't realized you were actually leaving New Jersey! Where are you moving to (she writes, hoping you'll say California).

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

Maryland, Montgomery County, househunt still in progress. Our parents are not spring chickens, and my sister's kids need all the committed grown-ups they can get. Plus, we want our kids to grow up with their cousins, and Montgomery County is a better place to raise kids than central Jersey. Dan's got a new gig doing computery things for NIH. We're looking along the Red Line in both it's Maryland stretches. So: Washington Grove, Rockville, Kensington, Silver Spring, Takoma Park. I don't know exactly where we'll land, but something good will happen.

[rednikki.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's great! I'm so happy for you.

[jaime-sama.livejournal.com]

I'm not a parent, so my opinion is admittedly not worth much here, but I think the demonizing of TV might be overdone. My brother and I grew up on Warner Bros cartoons mixed with Sesame Street/Electric Company/Mister Rogers, (what, didn't all of you??) and we turned out okay. I think my single parent mother appreciated those Saturday mornings when she could park us in front of the cartoons and get a few things done. My teachers' biggest complaint about me in grade school was that I read too much when I was supposed to be paying attention to what was going on. I don't think all the TV rotted my brain, unless the effects are delayed and are going to show up after age 40.

Maybe there are some families where the TV is the ONLY thing the kids get exposed to, and there are no books or musical instruments or art supplies in the house, and the parents don't talk to the kids about anything interesting. You and Dan couldn't parent like that if you wanted to, because YOU would get bored. lol

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I grew up on that TV diet, pretty much. I look back on most of it as a positive good.

Today Gareth wanted episodes of Planet Earth and its BBC cousins. He's composing a story about a komodo dragon that goes vegetarian now, and occasionally says things like, "I'm going to komodo-dragon the rest of the way to the car."

[jaime-sama.livejournal.com]

"I'm going to komodo-dragon the rest of the way to the car."

hahaha I love it. Not sure I can picture what it looks like. I think I am picturing more of an elephant-ing to the car.

also, I forgot to shout out to Conrad for keeping up with/outdoing the adult drummers. Respect. The kid has chops.

[tracyandrook.livejournal.com]

My life should settle somewhat after tomorrow. I say, should. It may not. But I would like to show up at your house. What times are good? Should I steal the boys for a couple of hours? Give me a call.
Thank you.

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

Will definitely call. Thank you!

[sabrinamari.livejournal.com]

love you.