Fourth Annual Bad Poetry Party, Saturday, 25 February, 7pm

[dr_pretentious]

It's time again for the annual Bad Poetry Party (and a belated celebration of my 36th birthday). We must begin, of course, with the lines that inspired it all:

We have seen thee, queen of cheese,
Lying quietly at your ease,
Gently fanned by evening breeze,
Thy fair form no flies dare seize.
...
We'rt thou suspended from balloon,
You'd cast a shade even at noon,
Folks would think it was the moon
About to fall and crush them soon.

--James McIntyre (1827-1906)
"Ode on the Mammoth Cheese, Weighing over 7,000 Pounds"


And yet, last February we were so jaded by three years of sublimely awful verse, we kept saying, "Oh, that's poem's bad, but it's not quite bad enough." Or, "I could have written one worse than that." And, "I don't know, I think Theophile Marzials is beginning to grow on me."

When Theophile Marzials is beginning to grow on you, you are in serious trouble. Prescription-strength fungicide may be your only hope.

Was it possible, we wondered, that we had plumbed the depths? That the worst was over? Or was it simply that we had become people who could never again be reduced to snorting by lines like this couplet by Amanda McKittrick Ros:

Holy Moses, take a look!
Flesh decayed in every nook!

My dears, I am here to tell you that I have found new veins of bad poetry that will keep us celebrating for many years to come.

And I didn't even have to write it all myself.

Please, once more, bring whatever bad poetry amuses you, by whatever definition pleases you. We'll have plenty of material here waiting for you, too. Come prepared to laugh until reduced to snorting.

Potluck addicts are encouraged to bring a dish.

Once again, we will crown whoever offers the most over-the-top declamatory performance as the Queen of Cheese. There is no honor or award quite like the construction paper Cheese Crown. You know you want it!

Comments

[jr0124.livejournal.com]

Oh - and if I can't attend, perhaps someone else might like to read it in my place. =)

[jr0124.livejournal.com]

Also, do you think my 'Ode To My Truck" would qualify as truly awful enough?

Or maybe "That Guy Before Me Was an Asshole"? =)

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

Stanley Fish is really delightful in that poem. It definitely needs to get read on the 25th. "Ode to My Truck" might not win you the Cheese Crown, but it's certainly in the right spirit. I don't remember "That Guy Before Me Was an Asshole," but I do remember your Thanksgiving haiku. In fact, I recite it to my poor, long-suffering in-laws every Thanksgiving. It never ceases to amuse me.

[jr0124.livejournal.com]

Absolutely. The Stanley Fish reference is what put me over the edge on that one. We had to read and use Stanley Fish in my English 101 class those many moons ago.

"That Guy Before Me Was An Asshole" might not work in the competition. It's designed to be read at an open poetry reading where the person reading before you is, well, shall we say, an asshole? It's more of a performance piece, actually. You read the title of the poem, then the text, in one sort of flowing whole. The text of the poem is: "Wasn't he?"

Unfortuantely, I cannot take credit for the Thanksgiving haiku. I wish I could! It was actually penned by Jim Housell. It still amuses me, too.