Open Letter To Babies-R-Us

[dr_pretentious]

To Whom It May Concern:

Who on earth chooses the music that plays in your stores?

On the one hand, it was a great relief, after all the Christmas music of December, to walk into your North Brunswick store and hear the Talking Heads' Once in a Lifetime, a song dear to my heart. My son and I had a lovely time spinning his stroller around in the aisles and singing (and squeaking) along with David Byrne's choruses of same as it ever was, same as it ever was. On the other hand, I feel it my duty to inform you that "Once in a Lifetime" is a uniquely inappropriate song for a branch of Babies-R-Us.

Your gravidly pregnant customers, and the husbands who are trying hard not to be nostalgic for their wives' pre-pregnancy bodies, will not thank you for the verse that includes the yelp, You may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful wife! Those of your customers who did not intend to become parents may not appreciate hearing the irrepressible Mr. Byrne bellowing, You may say to yourself, MY GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

Yours sincerely, after the money's gone,

Dr. Pretentious

Comments

[louiseroho.livejournal.com]

Other Talking Heads songs that are inappropriate for BabiesRUs

Psycho Killer
Life During Wartime
Give me back my name
Road to Nowhere

and for the win

Stay up Late

Mommy had a little baby
There he is fast asleep
He's just a little plaything
Why not wake him up?
Cute, cute, little baby
Little feet-feet, little toes
Now he's comin' to me
Crawl across the kitchen floor.

Baby, baby, please let me hold him
I wanna make him stay up all night
Sister, sister, he's just a plaything
We wanna make him stay up all night
Yeah we do

See him drink from a bottle.
See him eat from a plate.
Cute, cute as a button.
Don't you wanna make him stay up late.
And we're having fun with no money.
Little smile on his face.
Don't cha' love the little baby.
Don't you want to make him stay up late.

Chorus

Here we go (all night long)
Sister, sister (all night long)
In the playpen...woo...(all night long)
Little baby goes, ha! (all night long)
I know you want to leave me...

Why don't we pretend.
There you go, little man.
Cute, cute, why not?
Late at night, wake him up.

Chorus

Here we go (all night long)
Sister, sister...woo...
(with the television on)
Little baby goes...woo! (all night long)
Hey, hey, baby! (all night long)
And he looks so cute (all night long)
In his little red suit (all night long)

Come to think of it, I cannot think of a Talking Heads song that _IS_ appropriate for impending or new parents.

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

Funny you should mention "Stay Up Late." In the first days after the birth, Gareth was so woozy from the c-section anaesthetic that we had to wake him for feedings. After the epic struggles to get him to latch on, he'd fall asleep before he got any nourishment to speak of. I sang that song to him many, many times, trying to keep him awake enough to eat.

[jasminewind.livejournal.com]

You know, the same exact thing happened with A (except I didn't sing Talking Heads to her) - she was the sleepiest thing for almost 2 weeks. Every feeding involved rubbing her head with warm baby washcloths, ritual undressings, thwacking the soles of her feet and rubbing her back.

Once she woke up, she hardly stopped nursing for the next year!

(and remember, no meds in her birth, so who knows why, but some babies are just sleepy little kiddos!)

[happy-dr-friend.livejournal.com]

And you didn't even mention "Little Creatures".

[oldsma.livejournal.com]

A couple of days ago, I shot Dr Pepper out my nose at Chick-Fil-A when I heard their corporate canned music roll over into "I Touch Myself". This chain is so Christian they close on Sundays.

MAO

[reynaud.livejournal.com]

One of the fun things about canned music, is when you get those innappropriate songs popping up. Like the Kink's "Lola", well, pretty much anywhere. And I'm pretty sure that I'd heard Cyndy Lauper's "He Bop" in stores when it was popular.

[louiseroho.livejournal.com]

I once heard a Muzak version of "Sympathy for the Devil"

[lilygywot.livejournal.com]

I know how much you like music. And pooping. "   Posted by quarkiegirl (Member # on AM :   Dude, my boy would love that.

[vgnwtch.livejournal.com]

T and I decided that the world had gone mad several years ago when we heard a muzak version of Led Zeppelin. It should just never happen.

I really resent piped music on principle.

[dr-pretentious.livejournal.com]

The muzak version of Twisted Sister's "We're Not Gonna Take It" that I put in Closing Arguments does actually exist. Back in the late 1980s, I heard it at the local grocery store.

Maybe someone needs to compile a collection of the Most Wrong Muzak Ever.

[vgnwtch.livejournal.com]

That awful clang you heard? My jaw. On the floor.