The Solid Food Dancers (Or, Why The Food Network Should Not Hire Me To Develop New Programs)

[dr_pretentious]

It's time now to start introducing Gareth to solid food. Over the past few weeks, he's been watching Dan and me with fascination whenever we eat. He's five months old, teething, curious, and due to run out of his body's iron reserves by the end of the month.

And yet, I hesitate. Not just because of La Leche League's warnings about the risk of food allergies. No, the real obstacle is my memories of my first two nieces' early experiences with solid food. For a very young child, it's not enough to explore a food's flavor, texture and color. A very young child feels a profound need to explore a food's ballistic and adhesive properties, too. Am I really ready to cope with flying gobbets of applesauce? With finding the pages of my books stuck together with masticated rice? And no sooner will Gareth be through the ballistic and adhesive explorations than the picky-eater stage will set in. The whole prospect is so daunting, it makes my early travails as Dr. Moo Cow seem rosy in retrospect.

So I got to thinking, maybe what the world needs now is a sort of epicurean equivalent to Sesame Street, an educational show that would do for children's eating skills what the Children's Television Network has long done for the foundations of children's literacy and numeracy. I got to thinking this because, every time I would say the words solid food, it would trigger a memory of that goofy 1980's pop music show Solid Gold. If you're of the wrong generation or nationality to remember the Solid Gold Dancers and their theme song, YouTube can show you the kind of thing I have stuck in my head.

I have a lot of conversations that go like this:

FRIEND OR RELATIVE:
So, when is the baby due for solid food?

ME:
Oh, he's ready now. We just need to catch up with him. This could be the weekend for solid food.

MY BRAIN:
So-lid FOOD!
Fills my life with pureed carrots
So-lid FOOD!
Jamming rice grains up your nose

FRIEND OR RELATIVE:
I remember when we started our kids on solid food...

MY BRAIN:
There's a jar that's unopened
Though the baby is hopin'...

ME:
I'm sorry, what were you saying? I seem to be somewhat addled by sleep deprivation.

FRIEND OR RELATIVE:
What really worked for us was...

MY BRAIN:
The floor is covered with Gerber's
Covered with food
SO-LID FOOD!


The interpretive contortions of the Solid Food Dancers are best left as an exercise for the reader's imagination.

But really, is it that much more far-fetched a premise than that of, say, Iron Chef? And the Food Network already has its stable of culinary celebrities who could be recruited for the project. Some of them (I'm thinking of Sandra Lee and Bobby Flay) are suited, by temperament or style of self-presentation, for spandex and hip-waggling. Others, I admit, would not make the transition into the ranks of the Solid Food Dancers quite so gracefully. Mario Batalli and Alton Brown probably should not appear in the same sentence with the word "spandex," but it's too late now. The part of Dionne Warwick will be played by Anthony Bourdain.

You see now why I don't have a future in television?

Comments

[fjm.livejournal.com]

It doesn't have to be that way. First, whoever said it had to be pureed? The kid's got teeth, Let him chew. Second, the longer he waits, the more *he* wants it and the less struggle it will be. My friend Annie's daughter took to food like Churchill. When I saw her at 18 months she was holding her knife and fork in anticipation, and polished off a plate of fish fingers and then tried to tuck in to her dad's tagliatelle.

[sligoe.livejournal.com]

I'd wait a while before intorducing him to anythinog more than some rice cereal and some single fruits. Applesauce, bananas, that sort of thing. The best thing to do is talk to your pediatrician and she what she/he thinks. Some doctors don't want to start babies on solid foods until they are atleast a year old, some say six months, some say earlier.

All my kids started with a tablespoon of rice cereal, mixed with milk or water--and only at bedtime--at around 6 months old. Single fruits after that, starting with applesauce. It's best to wait a few weeks between introducing each new food, so that you can observe if allergies will flair up, and to make sure that all of the other baby "functions" stay consistent. It's easier to eliminate a particular food if he's allergic to it if you're not giving him too many different things all at once. I wouldn't start veggies until he's had several months of fruit and cereal, and then---one veggie at a time, starting with the yellow ones like carrots and squash. (They're more digestible).

Feeding babies can be fun---I would suggest holding him on your lap, holding his left arm in your left hand and feeding him with your right hand (if you're right-handed, of course---if not, then just switch sides!) This will give you more control than if you sit him in a high chair and try to feed him---that's when you'll get the flying globules of goo all over the place. :)

Ultimately, it's up to you to do what you think is best for him, with the guidance of the pediatirician. But whatefver you decide---have fun with it, or it will become an unpleasant chore. Remember that he has to learn to eat just like the rest of us did, and that will mean cleaning up food from time to time. It's a PITA, but it's also a fact of baby life. He'll be over it quickly, though, so it doesn't last forever. well---it'll come back when he's a teenager, but that's another story! LOL

Hugs for the growing baby and the wonderful mommy.

[sligoe.livejournal.com]

And don't forget---you can make your own baby food, which is what I did for years. A blender, some apples that you've cooked a bit---it makes the best applesauce in the world, and you control salt, sugar, texture. Once kids taste real food---not the overprocessed kind---they really DO want it for the rest of their lives. To this day, all my kids love broccoli, brussels sprouts, califlower---the weird veggies that are the best for you. :)

[vgnwtch.livejournal.com]

Remember: to a large degree, infants get their nutrients by osmosis, so don't wipe the gunk off his face.

And, as you mentioned Anthony Bourdain, and because it will make you smile, I proudly present... [insert drumroll]... Hezbollah Tofu!

[jeneralist.livejournal.com]

Ah, the stage that comes before the all-white diet! It's so fun to combine the child's natural investigation of all of the properties of food with one's own fandom. Somewhere, I have pics of my Dearest Nogodson (his parents are atheists) with a mouthful of seaweed salad: our own little Cthulu, right in the dining room!

Then comes the white food stage, where it's just bread, butter, macaroni, and mozzarella cheese.

[happy-dr-friend.livejournal.com]

FWIW, my Critter never spent much time tossing food around. Of course, she also didn't eat solid food until about 8 months. We were traveling in Mexico and she suddenly discovered that she could scoop refried beans off our plates and put them in her mouth--and that they were yummy. But she continued to like breast milk for quite a while longer. Also she never went for "baby food", perhaps feeling suspicious because we didn't eat it, but preferred whatever soft food she could grab off our plates. So if you don't go for it, Gareth will eventually take matters into his own hands.

[citabria]

What do you mean you don't have a future in television! I think your vision is brilliant!

[leapfaith.livejournal.com]

I wonder how well hunger motivates infants to play less, eat more. Probably not very well, but you might get lucky. As for messes, if your weather is warming up the way ours is, I can imagine many picnic-style meals in your future. Let the outdoor scavengers fulfill their role in the universe! You still have to clean up the kid afterward, and possibly yourself, but unless you have willing babysitters on site, I don't see much alternative. So, any chance of you looking at the non-romantic poem I posted, and telling me how bad it is? ;-)

[jasminewind.livejournal.com]

I always wonder if I made A into an obsessive neat freak when she started eating. We were in an apartment with coin op laundry so I hated for her to get too dirty. I wiped up the tiniest spills and didn't let her play with her food at all. She's better these days about getting dirty & touching stuff but she used to be quite averse to mess - it made painting an excersize in creativity interruptus (punctuated with lots of hand washing).

Your premature nostalgia for the simplicity of nursing is insightful, as usual. No need to rush yourslef, or him!

[puckmls.livejournal.com]

From what I've heard about the current crop of reality shows and programs dealing with expectant and new parents, I think you've found a real niche just waiting to be filled. ;-)

[kistha.livejournal.com]

I'm sure you and Gareth will get through this with humor, panache and style, just like you manage everything.

And I can't wait to read all about it!

[violet-moon25.livejournal.com]

I love your reality show concept and I could see it getting a spot on Sesame Street--they already have singing fruit and veggie puppets.

After much experimenting with bibs we got a good one that was plastic with a cup at the bottom and easy to wash. The mess was minimized by keeping the bowl of baby food out of the baby's reach. After he got teeth the gooey food was history (except yogurt) and finger food like cheerios was the next big thing. Hmm, perhaps I can use the left over baby cereal as edible "modeling clay" when we get to the preschool stage.