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dr_pretentiousHere Dan and I are, languishing on the couch. He's reading the completed first draft of the novella, pen in hand. Whenever he busts out laughing, I say, "What? What?" and generally make a pest of myself. Either the draft doesn't suck, or I married my ideal reader. Well, maybe both.
Last night, I sprinted through writing the last ten pages of the story. Today, I read those pages, to find out how it ended. I mean, I knew what happened, but nothing about how it played. This afternoon, I finally turned the introduction from a list of bulleted points into a real opening. I have yet to read the whole draft straight through. That's tomorrow's treat.
I need some beta readers who are not Pagans, and some who do not live in New Jersey.
The characters, being reasonable approximations of New Jerseyans, swear. Probably a lot, by, say, Minnesotan standards. G rated dialogue in New Jersey? It just doesn't happen. I've actually toned the dialogue down, so that it evokes, without faithfully reproducing, the Garden State's wealth of profanity. I need someone far enough away from here to tell me whether what remains still sounds excessive.
The characters, being reasonable approximations of Neo-Pagans, are completely blase about nudity. None of the nudity is described graphically. As in the lives of actual Pagans, the nudity is not the point. It's never, in itself, the thing that makes the story go. Bodies are described only so far as to note that two of the characters are extensively tattooed, and one of the characters has gills--things that are noticeable even when the characters are clothed. I tried leaving the nudity out altogether, but the verisimilitude crashed, so I had to put it back in. My concern is: Is the nudity that remains in the draft distracting to non-Pagan readers, to the point of obscuring the story?
I'm also worried about whether the pacing is spongy, whether the opening is weighed down with expository burdens, the usual.
Still, today I'm happy with it. Today, it's a nice little piece. It has a beginning, a middle, an end, characters who do things, characters who decide things, and some stuff that's at stake. It weighs in just under 28,000 words. Life is sweet in Averyland.
And, now that I'm at a stopping point with it, my characters may stop demanding that I listen to Fountains of Wayne albums on a daily basis. I love the way Fountains of Wayne takes familiar forms and forces those forms to carry content so completely alien to the pop tradition. It's like watching Elizabeth Bishop force sestinas and villanelles to tell linear narratives would be, if Bishop had also tried to be irresistibly danceable. But I think I've listened to "Halley's Waitress," "Stacy's Mom," and "Bright Future in Sales" several hundred times apiece in the month of January.
These days, while I'm in the thick of a writing project, I don't really procrastinate much. No cat-vacuuming here. Which means that, as the end of a draft approaches, the house slides into a state of true squalor. There's probably a surface in here somewhere that doesn't need mopping, but I may have to mop all the other surfaces to figure out which one that is. Today, I finally got around to taking down the Yule tree and putting the ornaments away. Have I mentioned the exemplary patience of my spouse? Exemplary patience. Wow. That, and he keeps laughing at all the right sentences. I'm a lucky girl.
Last night, I sprinted through writing the last ten pages of the story. Today, I read those pages, to find out how it ended. I mean, I knew what happened, but nothing about how it played. This afternoon, I finally turned the introduction from a list of bulleted points into a real opening. I have yet to read the whole draft straight through. That's tomorrow's treat.
I need some beta readers who are not Pagans, and some who do not live in New Jersey.
The characters, being reasonable approximations of New Jerseyans, swear. Probably a lot, by, say, Minnesotan standards. G rated dialogue in New Jersey? It just doesn't happen. I've actually toned the dialogue down, so that it evokes, without faithfully reproducing, the Garden State's wealth of profanity. I need someone far enough away from here to tell me whether what remains still sounds excessive.
The characters, being reasonable approximations of Neo-Pagans, are completely blase about nudity. None of the nudity is described graphically. As in the lives of actual Pagans, the nudity is not the point. It's never, in itself, the thing that makes the story go. Bodies are described only so far as to note that two of the characters are extensively tattooed, and one of the characters has gills--things that are noticeable even when the characters are clothed. I tried leaving the nudity out altogether, but the verisimilitude crashed, so I had to put it back in. My concern is: Is the nudity that remains in the draft distracting to non-Pagan readers, to the point of obscuring the story?
I'm also worried about whether the pacing is spongy, whether the opening is weighed down with expository burdens, the usual.
Still, today I'm happy with it. Today, it's a nice little piece. It has a beginning, a middle, an end, characters who do things, characters who decide things, and some stuff that's at stake. It weighs in just under 28,000 words. Life is sweet in Averyland.
And, now that I'm at a stopping point with it, my characters may stop demanding that I listen to Fountains of Wayne albums on a daily basis. I love the way Fountains of Wayne takes familiar forms and forces those forms to carry content so completely alien to the pop tradition. It's like watching Elizabeth Bishop force sestinas and villanelles to tell linear narratives would be, if Bishop had also tried to be irresistibly danceable. But I think I've listened to "Halley's Waitress," "Stacy's Mom," and "Bright Future in Sales" several hundred times apiece in the month of January.
These days, while I'm in the thick of a writing project, I don't really procrastinate much. No cat-vacuuming here. Which means that, as the end of a draft approaches, the house slides into a state of true squalor. There's probably a surface in here somewhere that doesn't need mopping, but I may have to mop all the other surfaces to figure out which one that is. Today, I finally got around to taking down the Yule tree and putting the ornaments away. Have I mentioned the exemplary patience of my spouse? Exemplary patience. Wow. That, and he keeps laughing at all the right sentences. I'm a lucky girl.
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no subject
Date: 2006-01-25 09:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-25 10:14 pm (UTC)Do I have a postal address for you out there? I don't think I do. Email it to me, and I'll snailmail you a parcel.
So, the first half of the big book didn't scare you off?
no subject
Date: 2006-01-25 11:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-26 10:01 pm (UTC)Which reminds me. Back when Dan and I were about to get married, your cousin P2 expressed his concern to K that I might be a corrupting influence on the the family's young. So here I am, about to mail off a novellaful of witches to you, because I'm concerned I may have overdone it with the nudity and profanity. Am I not the nightmare that kept him up at night? P2, vindicated at last. How often does that happen?
This means that, if I'm offed by my in-laws next Thanksgiving, there'll be two suspects with means, motive, and opportunity.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-27 07:51 am (UTC)And, given that I'm responding to you from a Mock Trial tournament in Dubuque, Iowa, I have to ask you to never say means, motive and opportunity ever again. It's hard enough to hear in context; if civilians start using it I may stab myself in the neck.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-25 10:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-25 10:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-25 10:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-27 12:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-25 10:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-26 08:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-26 10:08 pm (UTC)The conference
no subject
Date: 2006-01-25 10:51 pm (UTC)Congratulations!
no subject
Date: 2006-01-26 04:09 am (UTC)But, seriously folks, I can't wait to read it.
I have done nothing on my writing for ages. I'm beginning to really get the urge again (of course, while I'm trying to organise moving the entire household in a matter of weeks). I think I have not been reading enough Actual Books over the past few months, and that this is why I haven't been writing.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-26 05:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-26 10:05 am (UTC)But after college, I moved to New Brunswick.
And made the acquaintance of Route 18.
These days, it seems I spend about half my waking hours on Route 18.
Poor Josh. When I apologized for years of teasing, even my apology had profanity in it, because I was talking about driving. We had a good laugh over that.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-26 11:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-26 10:11 pm (UTC)That's right up there with Mother Pus-Buckets!
I was cleaning out my study yesterday (see above regarding squalor), and found the first copy of your ms that you gave me, buried under several strata of unrelated paper. Is that still current enough that markup would be useful to you?
You write what your read. When I stall out, it's often because I've been reading the wrong stuff.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-26 04:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-26 10:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-28 10:18 pm (UTC)But you're a friend of Anna's, invited by Anna to do Anna-like things. So all is right with the world.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-31 11:09 pm (UTC)I'm just amazed that there is another Cyn. ;)
no subject
Date: 2006-01-30 11:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-31 11:15 pm (UTC)What's your e-mail? I'll e-mail you my snailmail. You can reach me at nokomis AT murkworks DOT net.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-01 09:48 am (UTC)Non-Pagan, Non New Jerseyites
Date: 2006-01-26 04:57 am (UTC)somer012 at umn dot com
(I must admit to a sneaky desire to read it as well.)
Re: Non-Pagan, Non New Jerseyites
Date: 2006-01-26 10:19 pm (UTC)Re: Non-Pagan, Non New Jerseyites
Date: 2006-01-28 11:26 pm (UTC)Did I guess right?
no subject
Date: 2006-01-26 05:59 am (UTC)(Did you manage to get a hold of my brother, or did you end up not needing him?)
no subject
Date: 2006-01-26 05:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-26 10:21 pm (UTC)I think I ended up not needing him, but that may change when I get feedback, or the draft gets cold enough that I can read it with new eyes. I do appreciate his offer.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-27 05:56 am (UTC)starchaser1(at)hotmail(dot)com
no subject
Date: 2006-01-26 10:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-28 01:07 am (UTC)Also, your reply to my previous comment is screened for some reason, so the system will not let me reply to it. At any rate, you can e-mail me at cdprhys AT gmail DOT com --and/or-- nokomis AT murkworks DOT net.
As far as Writer's Weekend, I wasn't there, no. Couldn't make it. However, I am a friend of the Murks/Anna. I've helped her with a lot of editting and such in the recent past, and one of her characters is based on one of my MUSH chars.
PS
Date: 2006-01-28 01:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-26 07:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-27 12:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-26 09:12 am (UTC)Qualifications:
-non pagan (although once called "pagan friendly")
-non New Jerseyite (although I did live in NYC for a while, where I have heard a mother tell her 7?-8? year old kid to "shut the fuck up."
-I like commenting (although perhaps too much)
no subject
Date: 2006-01-27 12:09 am (UTC)Even if I hadn't needed cowans and outlanders for specific reasons, I'd have been glad to send it to you.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-28 10:14 pm (UTC)Did you get the files for the big book? I didn't email them out in time for Xmas, but before New Year's, I think. Just want to be sure the email address I have for you is still a live one.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-26 02:34 pm (UTC)I also take it for granted that cthulhia is interested.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-27 12:12 am (UTC)It's a somewhat more polished first draft than the first draft bits of the big book you saw 2 years ago, but it is still fairly raw.
Once I've had a chance to enter the first pass of changes--I've been able to get some fairly immediate feedback from Dan and Breva the Axe--I'll be sending things out.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-27 04:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-27 08:53 pm (UTC)Same email as before?
I'm doing a small wave of minor fixes, and sending copies out this weekend or Monday.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-27 11:44 am (UTC)I no longer think of myself as a beta reader; I like to think that I've progressed to the state of RC, so I don't know if I meet your requirements. Unlike most guys who would be curious about your appearance, eccentrics like me are more curious about your prose; nothing personal, I'm sure you're very attractive, but you're also very married.
What else? Well, I'm about as far from paganism as you'll find. I pretty much scratch my head when anyone worships anything; as far as New Jersey is concerned, I hated the damn place.
That being said, I would be willing to read your short ms and tell you what I think, although thinking is only in alpha stage at the moment. I've committed to fairly intensive editing of two novels but should be free within the next ten days if that's satisfactory. I don't do .pdf's or Word documents but .rtf is fine.
Dragon
no subject
Date: 2006-01-27 09:09 pm (UTC)Marines being famous for the virtuosity of their swearing, I'm sure you'll find anything I can produce to be downright tame.
I have enough feedback from the spouse and from one other reader to make a pass of minor changes this weekend, but then I'm sending the draft around. It should turn up in your inbox by Monday.
Thanks for the offer of your time.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-28 03:33 pm (UTC)I'm not pagan, but there's a lot of nudity in Heinlein's novels, and that never bothered me. I was a little put off by the amount of swearing in Clerks, being new to NJ back when I first saw it, but after awhile I was laughing too hard to notice.
Where does one send a novella, out of curiosity? To the sf/f magazines?
From shiny new LJ-member,
J'aime
no subject
Date: 2006-01-28 06:29 pm (UTC)The novella's actually set, in part, in Kevin Smith's hometown. The office for his film production company is on the same street as the H&R Block franchise where my protagonist works. So that gives you an idea of what these characters would sound like if I weren't trying to keep things moderate.
Fantasy & Science Fiction publishes novellas regularly. Some others, less regularly. I don't have a particular destination in mind for this one yet. As usual, if I'd produced a shorter piece, it would have been easier to place... It may get shorter in revision, but not by 30%, which is what it would take to significantly increase the number of potential markets.
Since I can't make this one easy to sell, I might as well make it excellent.